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Fable III: Traitors Keep DLC

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Today, the new DLC for Fable 3 hit, and it was a pretty large update. Large by Fable standards mind you, is maybe 4 hours of content, if your lucky. Traitors Keep is a new quest line in the game, that kicks off with an assassination attempt from a place called The Keep, a large island prison holding the most dangerous criminals in Albion. What amazes me is that you didn't know about it. Your the frigging king of the country, nay, the entire known world as I understand it, and shit just keeps popping up that no one told you about. There are books everywhere, that apparently contain no pertinent information other than "it takes a very large system of measure to quantify Peter Molyneux 's ego."

You head off to the island to discover it in the throws of a riot. You quell this riot and proceed to get wrapped up in all the petty bullshit fetch questing the whole game is known for. Also, the only real rewards for undergoing ANY of this are more costumes. No uber weapons, not a new spell category, costumes. Most of which, are simply clothes or uniforms other people in the game are already wearing. Someone needs to inform the people at Lionhead studios, that Fable is not, and has never been, The Sims. Sure, like the old saying goes, clothes do make the man, but they don't make a playable game.

It also stands to mention that this expansion is supposed to add new enemies. That is almost a blatant lie. It adds not one single new enemy that was not already in the game. It re-textures enemies in different costumes, or paints them a different color. In fact, save for the world spaces, its like this content could have quite easily have been already in the game, and your paying to unlock it. At one point, it even goes so far as to make Balverines different by painting them green and calling them Poison Balverines. They hit you and you get a kind of wobbly screen effect for a few seconds that has absolutely no bearing on the game what so ever.

What also really pissed me off about this is that the game is known for a certain kind of morality, granted one that has no grander spectrum than black or white mind you. It takes this morality and boils it down to killing or freeing two prisoners. One of whom is a Walt Disney-esque creator of automated machines, the other is a batshit crazy psycho witch with a taste for necromancy. Each has their own hyper linear world space. That is a huge departure from the earlier world spaces which are pretty open for exploration, and mostly purposeful. These, on the other hand, have vast quantities of wasted space that you wander around in and admire scenery. You also collect books. You fight monsters and robots. THATS IT.

Wasting such a wonderful series of world spaces on what appears to be nothing more than really, three missions at best, is a travesty. Nothing pisses me off more than creating huge beautiful spaces that have virtually no interactivity at all. If you are thinking of getting this DLC, be warned. It will disappoint you immensely. What could have been an interesting series of deep story missions, turns into more of the same dull and tedious collection quests. Peter Molyneux has said that he intended for Fable to be the pen-ultimate role playing game. If this is what he is limping to the barn with, he needs a very harsh lesson in what pen-ultimate is. My advice for him would be to step away. Let someone else with new ideas take the helm for a while, and revitalize something you are becoming a cancer to.

Peter, you are Lucasing your franchise, and that isn't a term I bandy about lightly. Step away from the controls, and go buy an island. Or a Gap, because it seems you are obsessed with clothing. Do not buy this expansion.

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